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dobbs82

Wife Scared To Go?!

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I have entered the DV lottery, and chatting about the prospect of moving with my wife has left her almost paralysed with fear...so from one South African to a whole lot of them:

 

1. Do any of you, having moved to the US, wish that you could go back to your life the way it was before you left South Africa?

2. Do you feel completely separated and alienated from family back home?

 

I realise and have explained that there is a good chance that we won't even win a GC, however I figure that we would be idiots to turn down a chance to get over there should the opportunity present itself. From the tons of reading that I've done it looks like 99% of people are super happy that they made the move.

 

Eish....why are some people so risk averse?

 

right? wrong?

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It is interesting and exciting to move to another country. If your wife keeps thinking about it she might change her mind over time. Cape Town is such a great place, so if you don't win the lottery you will still be living in an awesome city.

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Immigration is ONLY a good idea if you are 100% sure that this is what you want and have to do. Immigration is not easy and you are challenged in many different ways, so my advice is that this is not something you want to give a shot at because it sounds "cool" or "why not, lets do it".

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its a roller coaster of a decision. My brother and sister won in the lottery last year during the first draw. They were delighted that they had won, only to be advised a few weeks later that the first draw was null and void and that a second drawing was to take place. They were not selected in the second draw, and again were so happy that they would not have to sell their homes and give up good jobs. The decision was made for them with the redraw.

During those first few weeks when they thought they had won they went through every emotion under the sun. it makes one realize what a difficult decision it is.They still live on the upper decks of the Titannic in Cape Town.

 

 

 

 

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They still live on the upper decks of the Titannic in Cape Town.

 

That right there is the biggest problem......taking someone (anyone) out of their comfort zone....no matter how sh*tty or...how good that zone is....it makes sense to them at the time. I have several friends that would not mind moving here in a heart beat, but finding sponsors aint always as easy.....most of my family though still thinks we are dumb or naive for coming here, even though we are now citizens, and it is clear we wont go back...they still expect us to "come back" anytime, because it is soooo nice in SA. I just smile.....

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We entered and forgot about it until an email came through saying we had won, it is pointless stressing about something that hasn't yet happened. Once it does then fasten your seatbelts because then it's one hell of a ride.

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Oh I so agree GMDBN. It is a roller coaster ride! We have been here 7 weeks now and its amazing, fun and exciting, but even today, I wondered what the hell I had done this for and then the thought passes and we move on. I know its the right decision. I definitely do not wish I could go "home" more than I wish my friends and family could be here. The Americans are so friendly, so helpful and kind. Its been an amazing adventure. We left the lap of luxury and now live in a two bedroom apartment, about to buy our first car, just securing work, although there are plenty jobs available here - I gave up so much and yet I am quite content... It is not easy, but it gets easier! Good Luck, enter and go for it!

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Two tricky questions and not easy to answer.

 

It's almost like asking: "Do you regret moving out of your parents' house?"

 

We all missed (and still miss) Mom's cooking, and all of those other luxuries our parents bestowed on us, but there comes a time when the children have to spread their wings and start something of their own. Imagine someone grew up in Swellendam, and so did the parents and grandparents and great-grandparents, and suddenly, right after school or university, that person accepts a job offer in Musina (Limpopo) - 1,860 kms away by car. How often will that person now see his/her family and friends? How will that person cope emotionally?

 

Moving overseas is almost the same - the same trauma, the same feeling of loneliness in a foreign environment, etc. However, the fact that you can still go to a store in Musina and buy familiar things, or pop into the butcher's and buy biltong and droëwors, or watch rugby or cricket on the telly, would make it far easier to move there than here.

 

Virtually everything is different over here. And if you're Afrikaans-speaking, be sure to (most likely) get your name and surname mangled and having difficulty to get your accent understood. You'll learn how to make your own biltong and boerewors. Marmite and Mrs Balls are carried by many stores, otherwise you order it (and many other SA goodies) on-line.

 

It is difficult to be far away from the folks back home - it really is - but fortunately modern technology makes communication a breeze.

 

You learn to adapt and improvise, and above all, you always have to keep in mind why you've decided to move here. You must have had a good reason, and if so, stick to it.

 

It's (usually) nice over here.smile.gif

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Well, We have been in the States for 3 years, now. Due to the fact that our immigration lawyer botched up the application for the GC and the fact that the same lawyer ill advised us not to accept my company's offer to renewour L1B and L2 visas, we landed without any visas now. Therefore, we have to go home to South Africa. We are looking forward to going back to South Africa. Our outlook for immigration, it has been a very, very hard time for us the past three years. With a hind view, we are so sorry we have come here and we have left South Africa in the first place.

I do not blame your Wife that she is scared, it is hell here. We have not been robbed in South Africa but here in the States somebody broken into our appartment and stole a lot of staff including computer, clothes and jewlery, etc. Immigration is your choice, but have a plan B.

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I guess we all have our opinions. As to the being hell over here comment, maybe Immigration wasn't for you to start off with, and I don't think that if you had went to Oz or NZ your opinion would have changed.. Good luck going back.

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I guess we all have our opinions. As to the being hell over here comment, maybe Immigration wasn't for you to start off with, and I don't think that if you had went to Oz or NZ your opinion would have changed.. Good luck going back.

 

 

I have to agree with Knersus, most of us that came over is/did experiencing "hell" but it's all about your commitment and attitude that makes the difference. If living here is truly what you want then you will make it work and the "hell" part off it will just be part of the journey. Yes, it is difficult and sometimes hard breaking to get your credit score going, yes the visa to green card is a tough road but a lot of us are going through it. The success of it all depends on one factor, your commitment and attitude. We also ran into a blank wall with our visas but with some research, working with employers and lawyers we overcame that opstical and now things are going well again.

 

There is a great Afrikaans saying, "Waar daar 'n wil is, is daar 'n weg!!" :rolleyes:

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That right there is the biggest problem......taking someone (anyone) out of their comfort zone....no matter how sh*tty or...how good that zone is....it makes sense to them at the time. I have several friends that would not mind moving here in a heart beat, but finding sponsors aint always as easy.....most of my family though still thinks we are dumb or naive for coming here, even though we are now citizens, and it is clear we wont go back...they still expect us to "come back" anytime, because it is soooo nice in SA. I just smile.....

 

 

I can relate to that Knersus 100%

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Just a little something, close , maybe toooooo close to our home. We farm, I read an article last week that the most dangerous job in South Africa at this moment is being a farmer. 12 days ago 5 men tried to attack neighbouring farmers, on Friday night they we at our parents home, 800m from my home. Shots were fired, they never were caught. Last night, they robbed and beat up some friends of ours. Thank God their son slept through it all. They were heavely armed, extremely aggressive. We feel blessed that no harm was done to our parents. Our kids... are only allowed to play within the confinement of our electric fence, so much for living on a farm with no freedom. When my hubby is not at home, I make sure I am upstairs, locked up before sunset... It is really not nice living in fear all the time.

 

Yes, every place has its pro's and cons, but I feel blessed that we have this opportunity to move at the end of the year, and start to live again... we want to make a success of this, we choose to be happy, wherever we are taken.

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.

 

Yes, every place has its pro's and cons, but I feel blessed that we have this opportunity to move at the end of the year, and start to live again... we want to make a success of this, we choose to be happy, wherever we are taken.

 

 

Thats the attitude we came here with. We were also farm people, still are, but I do not miss the security gates, big dogs and armed guns scenario. I wish you guys all the best.

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I remember every stressful moment of the immigration process. I remember the photos, interviews and letters of recommendation so many of my american friends had to write. I remember looking for a job after leaving probably the best job I could ever have hoped for in Jozi. I remember many nights of crying in hubby's arms because I miss home and him not really understanding, but trying to be there for me. I still scour every place I can for Afrikaanse musiek, but do not get much luck. I miss my family and I miss the weather - snow is not all it is cracked up to be and winter really is quite miserable. I miss the space of South Africa - I live in a small apartment after growing up in big homes in pretty neighborhoods. I do not miss the crime, the reverse racism and the terrible disenfranchisement I felt. I feel like I belong now and that is priceless. Tell your wife to look past all the good things and to look at the things that do not thrill her and ask her how she would feel raising kids there? The internet brings family far away a lot closer ...

 

Think about why you want to leave and chain that resolve to this endeavor because there will be many days when the Cape Town beauty will trap you in its glory and you will feel sad. The upper levels of the Titanic - phew, even there the Titanic is still sinking and the watery grave underneath it does not seem to me like it would be a great place to be.

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